


Categories of Happiness

by PreseaMoon



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Character Study, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:03:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2567495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PreseaMoon/pseuds/PreseaMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Connected but standalone, each chapter will be from the perspective of a different member of the Ren family (and Judar) sans the emperors. They are chronological. Rating will go up as needed.</p><p>edit: I have made minor grammatical and word choice adjustments. Not anything too major or noticeable, but I thought I'd mention it anyway.</p><p>Chapter Rating: G</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Hakuyuu

**Author's Note:**

> Connected but standalone, each chapter will be from the perspective of a different member of the Ren family (and Judar) sans the emperors. They are chronological. Rating will go up as needed.
> 
> edit: I have made minor grammatical and word choice adjustments. Not anything too major or noticeable, but I thought I'd mention it anyway.
> 
> Chapter Rating: G

The tiny magi that has more or less been given to them has developed a peculiar fascination with Hakuryuu. He follows him around and drags him around and resists anyone who tries to pull him away, including the veiled magicians that give him lessons every day, including Gyokuen, who he whines at until he’s dragged away anyway. At night they frequently have to wait for him to fall asleep in order to take him to his own room, but it doesn’t mean they won’t find him huddled beside Hakuryuu in the morning.

It would be more tactful if not more accurate to say instead that the tiny magi has struck up an unexpected friendship with Hakuryuu, because Hakuryuu has decided to reciprocate the attention. Why any of this has happened is not something Hakuyuu can piece together. A few days they were together and he thought nothing of it, but then he realized he could never find one without the other and it's stuck.

It’s not that Hakuyuu minds this turn of events per se, but it would be preferable if his youngest brother made friends with someone other than the child that has been stolen away from his intended life for some nefarious purpose. Hakuyuu cannot place his features exactly, but Judar is unquestionably one of the people they are supposed to be protecting. His being in the palace like this means they have failed him. They are exploiting him, but there is nothing Hakuyuu can do and nothing Judar would be likely to accept anyway. 

That Judar seems happy is not enough to prove he is aware and content with the lot he has been dropped in and confined to. 

When he notices them in the gardens or the halls or anywhere at all, Hakuyuu can’t help keeping a wary eye on them. Judar hasn’t displayed any erratic or violent behavior in all the time he’s been at the palace. At most he doesn’t seem to have any concept of boundaries or etiquette and is regularly confused when he needs to be corrected. There should be no harm in his getting close to Hakuryuu, but it is unwise to assume that’s the case or will remain as such.

Hakuyuu has only observed Judar being friendly to his brother, listening to him attentively and entertaining him with small magic, leaning on him in silence under the sun and sharing whatever fruit he got his hands on. If he were ever unkind, Hakuyuu has no doubt it would be clear in some manner.

Today Judar is seated behind Hakuryuu in one of the courtyards, taking sections of Hakuryuu’s hair between his fingers and placing bright flowers wherever he wants.

Taking a breath, Hakuyuu calls out to his brother and beckons him over. And Hakuryuu, loving and admiring his brother dearly, hastily rises and rushes over with petals floating free to the ground behind him. Trailing after him at a far more leisurely pace is Judar.

“Brother,” Hakuryuu says, not quite smiling and reaching for his pant leg instinctively.

Hakuyuu picks up his brother and sits him on his hip. He takes hold of one of his small hands. “Hakuryuu. Are you having fun with Judar?” He speaks quietly so his voice won’t reach beyond them.

Hakuryuu’s head ducks and he waves a little bashfully when sees Judar below him. “I am.” A smile balances carefully on his face. “Do you want to play with us?”

“What are you doing?”

“Judar is braiding my hair, and putting flowers in it. Though, it’s not braided right now,” he says slowly when he notices Hakuyuu’s searching eyes. “We could braid your hair, too. Judar is teaching me.”

Hakuyuu glances down and finds the little magi staring up at him—not Hakuryuu—impassively, with a frown, and nothing in his bloody red eyes that could easily be unnerving on their own. Judar doesn’t blink. The longer his staring goes on the deeper his frown becomes, darkening his expression to an extent that shouldn’t be possible for a child.

It puts Hakuyuu on edge to see the darkness holding this little boy together wrap itself around his brother so lovingly.

He places Hakuryuu on the ground, leaving a hand atop his head. The darkness directed at him diffuses and floats away. Judar gives him a dazzling smile as he takes the hand Hakuyuu had been holding like he means to make a claim to it.

Judar is already pulling him away but Hakuryuu lingers, watching Hakuyuu hopefully. His fingers cling to Judar’s.

“Next time,” he promises. “I’m on my way to meet with Kouen right now.”

Hakuryuu pouts almost imperceptibly and tugs back on Judar so he’ll stop trying to drag him away. “What are you doing with Kouen?”

Hakuyuu smiles, though he can feel the deliberate vacancy of Judar’s eyes boring into him. “Going over some scrolls. Would you like to join us? Judar may come as well, of course.”

At his brother’s hesitance Hakuyuu laughs and ruffles already mussed hair, dislodging more flowers. He kneels. “It’s fine if you don’t want to. I don’t doubt you’d find it boring. You should stay here and play with Judar.” He faces the magi, who gives him a halfway suspicious look and angles his body towards Hakuryuu. “You’ll take care of my little brother, won’t you?”

Judar blinks in confusion, tilting his head just slightly. And then he takes a step back when the weight of Hakuyuu’s expression washes over him. He puffs up under the layers of his robes, hands going to his hips with authority he doesn’t possess. “Of course. Hakuryuu is my friend.”

Hakuyuu doesn’t allow his gaze to wander to his brother. “I hope you continue to be a faithful friend to Hakuryuu. You will, won’t you, Judar?”

Judar’s head tilts further. His eyes flicker around Hakuyuu then back to his face. “Yeah… You’re…”

Hakuyuu stands up. “Thank you, little magi. I’m counting on you. Hakuryuu, don’t forget to fix your hair, or else Hakuei will fix it for you when she finds you.”

Hakuryuu’s finger twists around a lock of hair framing his face. “Yes.”

“Hakuryuu, come on. Let’s go,” Judar whines, and pulls with all his weight until Hakuryuu is following him.

Hakuyuu watches them return to the patch of courtyard they’d been sitting in previously. From behind, Judar wraps his arms around Hakuryuu’s neck and he turns to look at Hakuyuu, waiting for him to leave.

It’s not as though Hakuryuu has many friends, or interest in making friends in the first place, so Hakuyuu is somewhat pleased despite himself. Every now and then he encourages Hakuryuu to befriend Kouha and Kougyoku since they are closest to him in age, but he’s too shy to speak or do much with them, always hiding behind his siblings if they are around and getting tearful if they aren’t.

Hakuyuu resumes his walk, and after several steps he can hear laughter at his back. 

That he has managed this level of apparently genuine bond is very reassuring, even if it is with a stolen child being raised by magicians dyed in black. 

There is a good chance Judar will be a negative influence on his brother, and there is an equally likely chance Hakuryuu will be a good influence on Judar. But none of that really matters because they're too young for it to come into play.

The world is closing in on them all, swallowing them from the back and caging them so deep inside light is just out of reach.

With the infection that is those magicians in black there is not a happy end that can be earned without tremendous hardship. Sadly that goes for happy children as well.


	2. Hakuren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: G

“Whoa, hey hey what do you think you’re doing?” Hakuren’s fingers curl around the collar of the boy’s robes to yank him into the air.

Judar’s entire body slumps and swings. His feet dangle far above the ground. One of his feet kick out, causing him to swing a little more, but he doesn’t look concerned about falling or being not on the ground in general. There’s a sound emanating from his throat like that of an irritated cat.

He swivels his head to Hakuren, revealing a flat brow and an unimpressed frown. “What is it, Hakuren?” Judar asks. His dry voice is topped with the sugary politeness he’s been instructed to showcase for the older members of the imperial family. It’s not very convincing. Sounds like he’s making an attempt at mockery more than anything.

From the corner of his eye he sees his brother gingerly push himself to a sitting position. The pink staining his face recedes, but a rosy glow still teases the surface. He brings the backs of his fingers up to his cheek and proceeds to hide behind his hand and wrist as the fading pink blossoms into red. 

“You alright, Ryuu?”

“Of course he’s alright,” Judar mumbles petulantly from the side.

Hakuren glances at him, sighs and sets him back on the ground. He even takes a moment to straighten his robe since he knows Judar won’t do it. When Judar returns to Hakuryuu’s side to help him up, closing in on him with a wide smile, Hakuren feels drops of guilt land one after another in his gut.

There is something undeniably strange about Judar, aside from the obvious things, that is. Maybe it’s that he’s a magi, and Hakuren still isn’t entirely clear on what a magi is or what exactly a magi is supposed to be doing, especially when the magi in question is little more than a mischievous child. But there is something distinctly unchildlike about him in the way he reacts to people and events. The things he says frequently lack a comprehension of life that’s hard not to find worrying.

Whatever is off about him is probably that way because of Gyokuen and those magicians, but Hakuren prefers to think of Judar as being chained to them rather than him being their puppet. That may amount to little more than semantics, but it changes the framework. It makes it look less like his tiny brother is playing with a poisonous snake.

Hakuyuu told him to keep an eye on them, on Judar. Not in too concerned of a way, more like a casual note, but his older brother feeling a need to say anything about it is enough for Hakuren to take it seriously. So he’s developed a habit of interfering on instinct, butting in on their play and conversations to pull them apart like he just did. 

It has not made Judar fond of him.

Judar leans toward Hakuryuu, and when it looks like he’s about to fall or stumble he throws his arms around Hakuryuu’s neck. He’s a fair bit taller, so it looks more like he’s collapsing onto him in exhaustion. Except Hakuryuu doesn’t fall under the weight and doesn’t look burdened by it. He still makes an effort to catch Judar, though. His arms hug Judar’s thickly padded waist and take fistfuls of fabric. 

Judar rubs his cheek against Hakuryuu’s, making the blush there spread its luminescence. But then he ups the ante and starts placing fluttery kisses where he’d once been nuzzling and wherever else he can reach. Hakuryuu giggles at it, edging away with lackluster resistance. And then they fall over. Which leaves them in a replica of the position Hakuren originally found them in, Hakuryuu on the ground almost completely obscured by Judar on top of him.

They don’t take Hakuren’s presence into account. Judar gives split seconds to see if he’s still there but that’s it.

Hakuren sighs, crouches beside them, eyes Judar. For some reason this kid is really interested in making Hakuryuu’s attention a competition. Nobody else is playing, not that it stops him from being smug about perceived wins. It’s annoying, but not so much it merits breaking a little kid’s heart. Which would happen instantaneously if either Hakuren or Hakuyuu participated. Hakuryuu likes Judar, sure, obviously he does, but he adores his brothers, _adores_ them. He’s not going to start choosing Judar over them any time soon.

Although he does wonder if he’d tolerate this kind of prolonged physical affection from them. Typically, Hakuren would not describe his little brother as an overly touchy feely sort of child. Judar should already know this; all part of his plan to rub his monopolization of Hakuryuu in their faces most likely.

Hakuren lets Judar continue unhindered. Because they’re kids and surely kids are willing to cuddle for only so long before growing antsy or embarrassed. Apparently this is untrue if the kids in question like each other a lot. 

Long after Hakuryuu has stopped laughing Judar keeps showering his face with innocent kisses. They grow infrequent and lingering, drifting so close to Hakuryuu’s mouth it becomes disconcerting.

“What’s with this?” he asks, and is ignored.

Or not that ignored, as it turns out, because Judar then licks up Hakuryuu’s cheek, with his tongue. And Hakuren’s little brother only gasps in surprise at it, doesn’t flinch or move away.

Judar licks his cheek again, slower, and it looks like he’s about to start sucking on his cheek, or maybe mouth with the direction this has been taking. Right about then is when Hakuren decides to interfere. Although it is possible it’s still meant to be innocent, and Judar just doesn’t understand that purity and deviance are on the same spectrum yet.

“Okay that’s enough.” Hakuren stands up, and when he does, he takes Judar with him, tucking the child magi securely under his arm. 

Judar whines, groans, some unseemly combination of the two. He struggles, flailing in his long, heavy robes, looking about as fearsome as pretty much any small, baby animal with a lot of fluff. It’s a conveniently fitting descriptor considering the puffballs that make up his braid.

“Hakuren! Put me down! Put me down right now!”

“Maybe I will if you don’t be a brat about it.”

“I didn’t do anything! If you don’t put me down I won’t take you to a dungeon, maybe never.”

Hakuren laughs and gently knocks a knuckle to Judar’s head. “Good thing I don’t want to go to dungeon, then.”

Judar makes a loud aggrieved noise as he starts to thrash and again demand Hakuren put him down. It doesn’t take long for him to wear himself out and completely deflate with another whine that sounds much like Hakuren’s name. He hangs on his arm like a ragdoll.

“Did we do something wrong?” Hakuryuu already looks beyond remorseful, his hands twisting the fabric of his clothes nervously. 

“Ah, no no nothing like that.” Hakuren hastily attempts to curb his little brother’s anxiety and nearly drops Judar in his rush. “I, uh, ah, was just making sure Judar was playing nice.” 

Hakuryuu gives a suspicious frown but doesn’t voice any doubt. He takes a step forward. “Are you okay, Judar?”

“Hakuryuu,” Judar moans, “make him put me down.”

Hakuryuu reaches up for Judar’s hand and gives Hakuren a pitiful look that’s not trying to be manipulative.

Hakuren releases Judar and the magi circles his arms around Hakuryuu’s neck the moment his feet are on the ground. He rests his cheek on top of Hakuryuu’s head. “Hakuren is the meanest,” he says mournfully.

“You think I’m mean, just wait until you manage to get Yuu angry, now that’s mean.” Hakuryuu is frowning at him again. “Ah, not that—anyway, Judar, don’t you think you’re too…” he trails off trying to think of an adequate way to phrase what he means to say next, but it’s sort of impossible to do with Hakuryuu present. “I’d like to have talk with you later, in private, okay?”

“Why should I?”

“Because if you don’t have a talk with me, then you’ll have to have it with Hakuyuu. Or both of us. Anyway, we’ll have to disrupt whatever busy crown prince duties he has to do it.”

Judar grumbles assent to seeing him later in the day and then mumbles things that are probably disparaging into Hakuryuu’s hair.

Hakuren unthinkingly ruffles his hair with a smile. “Good,” he says. 

His smile wanes a bit as he wonders if he should warn Judar against trying to make out with his brother in the meantime. He seriously cannot believe this is something he already has to deal with.


	3. Kougyoku

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: G

Prior to the death of the emperor and the death of his two oldest sons, Kougyoku met Hakuryuu on several occasions. They weren’t particularly memorable or exciting. She can’t remember ever saying more than a few formal words to any of the first emperor’s children. And she remembers that, like her, Hakuryuu had done his best to stay out of sight when possible.

She hadn’t wanted to go, but everyone told her she didn’t have a choice, that Prince Hakuyuu had arranged it personally and to not go would be a grave insult. In fact, she should be honored, grateful, that she, the youngest princess, daughter of a lowly courtesan, would be offered such an opportunity. Who knew, maybe they were considering grooming her to one day wed the youngest prince, but she shouldn’t get her hopes up.

Kouha was there, too, usually, and whether he was there or not it was an awkward gathering. They never knew what to say to each other. Most of their time together amounted to them sitting in a circle doing their own things while at least one of Hakuryuu’s older siblings kept an eye on them. 

That has been the extent of Kougyoku’s interaction with Hakuryuu. They never crossed paths otherwise. Then, for most of the year leading up to the two eldest princes’ deaths, she hadn’t seen him at all. It hadn’t been notable except for some comments about how she must have displeased the emperor’s sons in some way. In her presence they never brought up the possibility of Kouha or anything else being the reason.

Things are supposed to have improved for her since her father was crowned emperor. It’s been nearly two years; she’s been making personal progress, however slight, but in many ways it feels like most things haven’t changed. Servants and nobles gossip about her without care even if she’s within range, and she’s still the most superfluous member of the family by far.

She’s trying not to let things like that get to her. On the advice of Ka Koubun she’s made an effort to leave her room more, to be seen more and make the transformation she’s put into action known. They are strolls to harden her resolve and practice her new, more princess-like form.

It is during these excursions that she regularly comes across their country’s high priest. She only ever saw him from afar before, and she’s heard relatively little about him. All she really knows is that he’s important.

Whenever she sees him he is doing the same thing, ducked behind some pillar or railing, watching someone, following them when they leave the area and repeating this, seemingly for hours. Some days she follows him as he does this all throughout the palace halls, courtyards, kitchens. Everywhere.

It becomes a sort of game to not be seen or noticed by him while he tries to not be seen or noticed by his own target. Of course, he’s far too invested in what he’s doing to notice her. He doesn’t get distracted and the moments he looks behind him are rare, but it’s still fun and gives her something to do. She pretends she’s on the verge of being caught.

It takes several weeks for her to gather the courage to speak to him. And what she wants to say to him she isn’t quite sure, but she knows she is determined to do so. 

_Friendship_ echoes in the back of her mind but she refuses to let her heart wrap around it.

“E…Excuse me. Lord Priest,” she adds belatedly. That perhaps he is too high ranking for her to approach uninvited crosses her mind.

He turns to face her regardless and doesn’t look immediately annoyed, which is good. The lack of expression on his face is the perfect canvas for how astoundingly lovely his eyes are, an intensely red, flat sunset. His features are so delicate and fine he could be a girl. In fact, at first she’s stricken to think perhaps she has been mistaken or misled all this time into believing they have a priest instead of a priestess.

But then he speaks, and it is with an unmistakably boyish voice and boyish mannerisms. “What do you want?”

There’s the annoyance. It makes her draw her sleeves up to nearly her eyes. “I was simply curious what you’re doing.”

He blinks at her, confused. “Who’re you?”

It should not surprise her nor embarrass her, but heat rises in her face rapidly. “The eighth imperial princess, Ren Kougyoku.” She bows shallowly.

“We have that many princesses?” 

Kougyoku’s ears are burning so much they might set her hair on fire. “Y-yes.”

“Are there more princesses?”

“No. I’m the last.”

“How old are you?”

“Nine.”

“Hm. I guess that makes sense.” He resumes what he was doing without another word to her.

Kougyoku takes a few steps closer and peers out from behind the pillar as well. What she sees in the distance is Hakuryuu going through a form with a staff of some sort. He’s with an instructor and seems unaware of their watching. 

Is it always Hakuryuu he’s following? She decides to ask.

It’s sort of hard to notice, but he tenses, his fingers on the pillar dig in and his shoulders go rigid. “I’m not following him,” he says emphatically, not supplying further information.

“Then what are you doing?” It is meant as an innocent question, but the priest’s hands ball up.

“I’m keeping an eye on him,” he says eventually, slowly, like he’s making it up as he’s speaking.

“You’re keeping an eye on him?”

“Yes.” And then he pulls back to look at her. “Hakuryuu doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Why not?”

His eyes wander around her and off to the side. “I don’t know.”

“Then… how about you ask him?”

“What.”

Her sleeves, which hard started to lower to her sides, fly back to her face. “If you want him to talk to you, then you should try talking to him.”

Mild interest slips away. “I thought you had a real plan.”

“It is a real plan,” she insists indignantly. “If you do not want to, then I will,” she says without really thinking and proceeds to storm off towards Hakuryuu.

When she’s almost there Hakuryuu notices her and sends off his instructor. She gives him one of the cuter smiles Ka Koubun has been having her rehearse, but it has little effect. Hakuryuu’s face doesn’t so much as flicker and the smile withers as a result.

She remembers him being timid and unwilling to speak with anyone who wasn’t his parents or siblings. There’s little trace of that now. He looks at her with an almost overly polite smile and his arms are kept consciously to his sides. This is not the Hakuryuu she is fleetingly familiar with and it makes her nervous, uncertain how to act.

“Hakuryuu,” she says, wondering if there’s any particular way she ought to be addressing him now, “I have a question for you.”

His smile slips and returns to form. “What is it?”

“Um.” How did she forget to ask his name? “Why don’t you want to talk to the high priest?”

Hakuryuu’s gaze drifts to the direction she came from. “Judar is annoying.”

“How is he annoying? Won’t you talk to him anyway?”

“Judar doesn’t want to talk.”

“What do you mean?”

Hakuryuu sighs and closes his eyes. She’s about to ask him what’s wrong when she sees the high priest in the distance, running straight for Hakuryuu with a large smile on his face.

“Hakuryuu!” he shouts once he’s close. He then throws himself against Hakuryuu with all of his weight, bringing them both to the ground.

“Ow. Get off me!”

The high priest sits up. He delicately touches Hakuryuu’s face and neck with his fingertips. They sift through his hair and pull at the collar of his robe, worm underneath to hidden skin. He peels back the cloth so he can press his lips to Hakuryuu’s back. Then he rests his cheek there and looks out with content, right against Hakuryuu’s skin without any concern.

Kougyoku hastily averts her eyes from this scene. This is… improper, surely. 

“Hakuryuu, I miss you. You miss me too, right?”

“Go away, Judar.”

“I know you miss me. You should! I didn’t even do anything. Kougyoku thinks you should stop avoiding and ignoring me, too. Right, Kougyoku?” He looks at her expectantly, with an innocuous smile.

“Ah…” Hakuryuu is looking at her blankly. “I think it’s good to make up with your friends.”

The high priest bounces. “You hear that, Hakuryuu? You should listen to your big sister. Let’s kiss and make up!”

“Stop it.”

The high priest kisses his palm and puts it to Hakuryuu’s cheek. “You’re angry, and sad, I know you are. And you can take it out on me if you want, but you can’t do that forever. I won’t let you. Neither will Kougyoku or anyone else. You have to be my friend again. You have to.”

She wonders if the high priest longs for friendship the same way she does, and she wonders if pursuing such a thing with him is not as foolhardy as she initially thought. 

The high priest wipes away Hakuryuu’s tears as they fall. “You can cry all you want. I’ll cry with you.”

Hakuryuu cries out for his sister. The high priest does not cry with him.

Kougyoku fidgets with the edges of her sleeves. Did she make a mistake in allowing the high priest this opportunity? She did not mean to be complicit in making her younger cousin—brother, he’s her brother now—cry. She’s never made anyone cry before.

The high priest continues to smile blithely as he wipes tears away and murmurs comforting words she can only partially make out..

Right when she’s considering pulling him off, she sees Hakuei rushing over and decides to take a few steps back instead.

Hakuei makes like she’s going to grab the high priest and forcibly remove him, but then she kneels. “Lord Priest, what are you doing?” she asks with the utmost calm. One of her hands rests on the ground so Hakuryuu can reach it.

“I’m taking care of Hakuryuu.”

She gives him a kind look. “I appreciate your effort, but don’t you think you’re being too rough? Maybe Hakuryuu wants to sit up, or stand, or stretch. If you want to properly take care of him, you also need to let him do things on his own. Do you understand?”

The high priest grumbles.

“Then will you please get off of him?”

It’s clear he doesn’t want to. He makes a distressed sound Kougyoku isn’t sure is coming form him at first, and then rolls off Hakuryuu to the grass. He looks back wistfully and reaches out his hand like he wants to keep contact in any small way he can.

Hakuryuu quickly dries his tears and flees with his sister, leaving Kougyoku with the high priest in the empty courtyard. 

She takes an eager breath, “J—Lord Priest, maybe… maybe you would like to do something with me instead?”

He glances at her with disinterest. There is not a tiny speck of the happiness he had looking at Hakuryuu, or any other emotion she can place. An empty canvas once again, but now his pretty features are an outline waiting to be filled with something Kougyoku cannot provide to make them truly breathtaking.

“Why would I wanna do that?” he asks.

“W-well… Maybe… Maybe because…”

“Not interested.” He gets up and gives her a long judging look. “Yeah.” He smiles like he hasn’t been cruel, and follows after someone who’s made it clear he’s unwelcome. 

How unfair. What’s so great about Hakuryuu? Why is she so unworthy of their high priest’s friendship while he is?

Her lower lip trembles. She takes a short breath, turns on her heel, and walks away like the proud princess she knows she can be.


	4. Kouen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: G

“Kouen,” Judar smiles as sweetly as he can from across the desk, “did you kill anyone while you were away?” He does not ask this the way most children would, with misguided enthusiasm towards valor and heroics. Instead this is an inquiry for the sake of chaos and fun, idle curiosity.

Judar is a child that has taken lives. Kouen does not know how many, nor does he wish to know, but it is doubtlessly innumerable. For this reason among many others, Kouen does not care for indulging him when he says or asks things that relate to war and death. So he responds with nothing.

Judar pouts. He leans his upper body onto the desk, but is sure to not obstruct Kouen’s view of the scroll he’s viewing. “Koouueen.”

Kouen is especially not fond of giving Judar attention just because he wants it. “Is there something you need, Judar?”

“…No. Hey, you didn’t answer me earlier, does that mean you did kill people? Was it a lot? Kouen. Kouen. …Kouen.” He crouches down to peer from over the desk’s edge, looking up through his fringe. “Kouen, I can’t find Hakuryuu,” he says woefully.

On the occasion Kouen does know Hakuryuu’s location, he prefers to not release the information since he’s continuously failed to understand the nature of Judar’s preoccupation with Emperor Hakutoku’s surviving son. To his knowledge their friendship predates those deaths, meaning they were both quite young when the bond formed, so perhaps it’s simply that. But a child such as Judar should not be taken lightly. Ascribing expected standards to any of his actions should be done cautiously.

“What do you need with Hakuryuu? Perhaps you should not bother him, either.”

“Hakuryuu is my friend.”

That is another thing. Despite spending time with Kougyoku and sometimes Kouha, Judar insists they are not his friends. Indeed, he does not treat them with half as much compassion as he does Hakuryuu, but he is friendly towards them nonetheless. He seems to think a friend is something he can only have one of. Therefore, anyone else trying to make that connection is attempting to replace the one he already has.

When taking into consideration that he’s a magi, perhaps it is not so unusual for him to want to choose a single friend from several possibilities, although that’s a parallel Kouen draws somewhat reluctantly.

“Friends can be bothered as much as anyone else. I believe Hakuryuu has already proven this, in fact.”

He can recall numerous time periods during the last several years where Hakuryuu attempted to distance himself from Judar, with minimal success. Judar is nothing if not relentlessly persistent.

Judar puffs out his cheeks. “That was before. Hakuryuu doesn’t hide from me anymore.”

And then, as if to prove Judar’s point, Hakuryuu’s voice says, “You’re noisy, Judar.”

Judar perks up and spins like he’s expecting to see Hakuryuu right behind him. Head whipping back and forth, his long braid tries to keep up and ends up looking rather like the tail of an excited dog. “Hakuryuu,” he calls out, “where are you?” He sounds a little too distressed for someone who’s exerted only enough effort to turn around.

After several moments Hakuryuu appears from behind one of the bookcases. The hair that’s supposed to be framing his face flips up on one side and sticks out on the other. His robes are slightly askew. While he watches on with a weary expression, Judar hops over to him and takes one of his hands. 

“Hakuryuu, were you taking a nap? I’ll take one with you!”

Hakuryuu slides his hand out of Judar’s grip, but it only causes Judar to hold on with both hands when he takes it again. “I was studying. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“I thought you didn’t like to—“ Judar is prevented from continuing by Hakuryuu’s hand covering his mouth.

“Judar! Quiet.” Hakuryuu steals a few glances at Kouen.

Years later and they still do not know how to treat each other. Granted they are not often sharing a space, but they should not be more unfamiliar with each other now than they were during Emperor Hakutoku’s reign. He hesitates to describe Hakuryuu’s behavior towards him as fearful because it’s simply inaccurate, but it feels dangerously close to bordering on it. Hakuryuu is uncomfortable with him, and not just because of the change in their statuses.

Kouen believes many things were handled poorly after the fire. Included in that—possibly at the top of the list, is Hakuryuu. He woke up to a radically changed world and the only one there to help him adjust was Hakuei, who was also grieving and trying to adjust. Compared to her, Hakuryuu adjusted too well too soon, too seamlessly and without complaint or confusion. Looking back now, it’s clear he could not have coped in the best ways.

Kouen does not know what to do about it. He’s not sure there’s anything that can be done any longer.

Yet here is Judar, advocate of destruction, latching on as tight as he can to Hakuryuu and whispering influence in his ear. What will happen when Hakuryuu is old enough and confident enough to be brought to a dungeon of Judar’s choice? What will become of them then?

In front of him Judar is speaking quietly to Hakuryuu. After every few sentences he brings Hakuryuu’s knuckles to his lips. Another aspect of this relationship Kouen does not understand: Judar’s intrusive actions and Hakuryuu’s casual acceptance of them.

“Hakuryuu, may I speak with you a moment?”

Hakuryuu shrinks and looks away, saying nothing.

Judar frowns. He gives Kouen a mildly ominous look that’s quickly replaced with an empty smile. “Kouen, Hakuryuu and I are busy,” he says as he pulls Hakuryuu towards the door.

“Judar,” he says firmly, giving a warning look. 

Judar looks at Hakuryuu, then Kouen, then back to Hakuryuu. 

“You may go. This won’t be long.”

“Go, Judar.” Hakuryuu nudges him at the door and he reluctantly leaves.

Kouen motions for Hakuryuu to come closer. “How do you feel about Judar?”

Hakuryuu gives a small flinch of surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Just what I asked. Do you like Judar? Do you enjoy spending time with him and the way he constantly seeks you out when he’s here?”

He has successfully made Hakuryuu nervous without meaning to. Or this could be anger. He’s only ten but Kouen never reads him quite right. 

“Judar is gone a lot.”

Which doesn’t answer any of Kouen’s questions and they both know it.

Kouen takes a measured breath. There is not a “right” way to handle Hakuryuu. No matter what he says or how, he will be overstepping his bounds in some way. He does not know what Hakuryuu’s reaction to such a thing would be.

“I like being with Judar.” Hakuryuu is watching him closely, like he’s expecting a certain reaction, though Kouen has no idea what that could possibly be. “He…” His face goes a dull pink and his gaze falls. “He’s my friend. Why do you want to know?”

Kouen shakes his head. There’s nothing to say that Hakuryuu will like, so he goes for a more honest answer. “Curiosity. You spend a lot of time with him. He calls you friend, but I was not sure you felt the same.”

Hakuryuu frowns, not understanding his intent. Unfailingly polite he says, “Is that all, Kouen?”

Kouen bows his head. He will not pretend he has the authority keep Hakuryuu where he does not wish to be. 

He hears Judar pounce on Hakuryuu as soon as he’s left the room. Things are no different. He does not have a better understanding of them and likely he never will.

All he can do is hope for the best.


	5. Hakuryuu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: T

Judar kisses him with the full awareness they are doing something they should not be doing. Excited, impatiently so, with awkward pauses to listen for anyone wandering close. There are lulls Hakuryuu particularly likes, where it’s less frantically messy and his response can be more than reactionary. Their tongues play at cautious hide and seek. It is warm and wet and nice in a way he can’t really place.

Judar is pushing and pulling at him, his robes, his mouth, wanting more than Hakuryuu knows how to give. And he wants to give, he would if he knew how, and he would take just as much.

No one has told them not to be this way with each other, to kiss and touch and explore. But Hakuryuu doesn’t need to be scolded to know this isn’t an appropriate way for a prince to behave with his country’s high priest, or for a high priest with his country’s prince. Which of those matters more, Hakuryuu isn’t totally sure. Either way, nobles and commoners alike would frown upon this, as if they have any reason to care.

That knowledge brings to the surface memories of when they were little, and his brothers would remove Judar from his person and sometimes his presence entirely without ever properly explaining why. They never made an attempt to govern what he did with Judar, but it is clear now they were taking measures to prevent something of this nature from occurring.

And why any of this is, he isn’t completely sure. Although he knows, he doesn’t understand what is objectionable about this. It’s nice. Judar’s lips are soft, and his mouth is warm. He likes the dizzy nausea kissing for too long or without pulling away produces. And he likes the sweet tang of fruit that frequently sticks to Judar’s lips. He likes the thrill that seizes his heart when someone passes by.

While they have been at this for some time now, they both remain inexpert; Judar is graceless, rough where Hakuryuu is timid, and they fail to find balance. More is being sought, but neither of them actually knows how to get there. So they pull at each other’s clothes to the extent seams tear and roll around like they mean to harm one another—and there have been some injuries that ended up difficult to explain. 

With the passage of time it’s grown harder for Hakuryuu to pinpoint what exactly they’re trying to reach, though Judar seems to know and isn’t telling. Judar reaches under his clothes, which isn’t new but is less playful than it once was. And he does it while kissing so Hakuryuu doesn’t notice until he feels Judar’s nails dragging down his skin.

Hakuryuu doesn’t mind, or he thinks he doesn’t so he ignores it when the edges of his scars are traced, and he ignores how fingers spread on his chest. He tries very hard to not mind and not react when fingers close around his nipple, gradually circling and rubbing it to a nearly painful hardness that’s unlike anything he’s ever felt before.

His shoulders shudder and he twists away, crossing his arms over his chest protectively. He pulls his robe closed. 

Judar frowns, reaches out and curls his hand at Hakuryuu’s neck. “What’s wrong? Didn’t it feel good?” 

Well, it didn’t _not_ feel good, exactly. But it’s always unsettling when his body reacts however it wants, when internal sensations gush from nowhere, with no warning, pulsing so fiercely he can barely believe it came from anywhere inside him. And when it does overwhelm him, what then? What happens after? It’s scary to think about. Every time the tingling in his belly becomes too condensed or between his legs gets uncomfortably warm he shies away before he even realizes he’s done so.

It does not occur to him that he might not be alone in feeling these sorts of things, that maybe Judar is sharing them and just isn’t saying so. The only thing he considers is how to fix it.

Hakuryuu leans over to hug Judar, crawling halfway into his lap as he does so. He is always hesitating at some point or another, and then Judar hesitates back and they end up like this. They don’t know how to be with each other, where and what the line is, how to treat it, how to cross it. Most times they don’t realize it’s there, but moments like these are where it’s confirmed.

“I don’t get it. Are you upset or not?”

Judar smells nice. Incense has sunk into his robes, weighing it down like water. There’s an almost smoky quality present when it brushes his skin. He wants to curl up beside him and deeply breathe it in like he would when they were small. But they are not so small anymore, and things are changing every day. There are even days where Judar makes a point to tell him that it won’t be long until a dungeon waiting to be conquered is placed before him.

Hakuryuu is not certain how to tell him he has no interest in entering a dungeon if Judar is the one leading him there.

“Hakuryuu.”

Hakuryuu shakes his head against Judar’s neck and isn’t really sure why it feels like he’s about to cry. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s content to hold and be held, but at the same time he’s not. The curious prickling inside him is a frayed edge of fabric he can’t stop picking at, and the only one who can truly mend those ends is Judar.

He holds Judar tighter. “It’s fine. It was fine. You just… surprised me. You… You can do it again. It’s fine.” 

Judar does nothing, says nothing, so Hakuryuu bites his neck where he likes it best. “Judar, please.”

Further prompting is not required.

Judar moves slowly, sliding his hands down Hakuryuu’s back and directing him to the ground, settling on his hips. He gives a grin Hakuryuu would find devious if he didn’t know him better. Whatever tension there was has dissipated with Hakuryuu’s compliance, but his body hasn’t relaxed entirely. He holds his breath when Judar’s hands near his chest.

Judar elbows his braid behind him and pulls Hakuryuu’s robe farther apart, exposing him from neck to abdomen. He places a kiss at the center of his chest and works his way up to his mouth. It is a sufficient distraction from the fingers that graze his nipple then enclose it, thumb bouncing on its top and pressing it like a button.

His lips tremble, so do his shoulders, his stomach, his insides. He can feel it become too much. The weight of Judar sitting on him doesn’t help. He cries out and bites his lip, rolls his shoulders.

Judar laughs. “I like that sound, Hakuryuu. Make it again.” He rocks his hips from side to side on top of him.

He manages to swallow down one sound, and then another, but the third crawls up his throat and forces itself free. It’s a horrible creak that sounds like glass breaking in half. It’s beyond embarrassing, but he likes the look of wonder Judar has from hearing it.

“Magi!”

Hakuryuu forces Judar off him instantaneously, kneeing him and rolling to the side, and then crawling back against the wall. Judar follows after, clinging to Hakuryuu’s lapels and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Hakuryuu pulls away, mumbling for him to stop as Judar is called for once again.

“Those old men don’t care.” He slinks a hand to Hakuryuu’s skin.

Hakuryuu doesn’t think that’s true. More importantly, even if it were, he does not want those veiled magicians to see him. He doesn’t want them to acknowledge him or comment on him, to have a single thought of him whether it’s in relation to Judar or not. The less they care about him the better. But that is something Judar would not understand.

“Magi, where are you?”

The voice apparently not registering to him, Judar frowns like Hakuryuu is the one being unreasonable. He head-butts him gently. “Hakuryuu, I don’t feel like going to lessons.”

“Liar.”

“Not a lie. I wanna keep doing this. Lessons can wait. Just a little bit longer.” His hand touches the inside of Hakuryuu’s thigh and moves up. The other hand secures the back of his head to keep it still as he leans in to kiss, which Hakuryuu stupidly, mindlessly returns like it’s the last kiss he’s ever going to receive.

“Magi!” The voice is starting to sound impatient, and Hakuryuu does not know if Judar is ever actually punished by anyone for anything ever. It’s getting closer. If they are going to be found no matter what, Hakuryuu would prefer it not be like this, with their tongues caught between them and their hands hidden desperately under folds of cloth.

But he doesn’t stop kissing and doesn’t stop touching until footsteps are so close he can hear an echo clearly. It’s too late to convincingly hide what they were doing, but they are at least able to pull away from each other and display some decency.

“Magi, you should not need reminding to come when you are called.”

Hakuryuu is not acknowledged in any form, or he thinks that’s the case since it’s hard to be sure when he can’t see a face. He takes the time to straighten his clothes.

“Yeah, yeah,” Judar says dismissively, without the least bit of respect towards one of the magicians that presumably teaches him magic. But then, even if he is speaking politely it is not as though this magician is giving Judar the level of respect he normally receives. 

Hakuryuu is unclear how he should take Judar’s relationship with the whole of that organization. Give and take, but it is far from equal. Exploiting, just like they are with this country. And Judar is… He doesn’t know.

The magician then turns to Hakuryuu, moving his head and body so it is unmistakable. Knowing eyes are on him without being able to see them is immensely unnerving. He can feel a too wide smile on the other side of that cloth.

A hand reaches out to pat his head like he’s some sort of pet. An airless chuckle accompanies it. The hand feels as light and dry as a mannequin’s, and it doesn’t immediately pull back. It takes great effort to not recoil or scowl, or shiver.

Judar jumps to his feet and pushes at the magician’s side. “Come on, teach me magic already, old man. You’re so slow. Teach me gravity magic today.”

Once they’re on the grass Judar stops pushing and instead follows after. He turns around to wave at Hakuryuu as he goes, and Hakuryuu waves back.


	6. Kouha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kouha's perspective and such was decided on a whim for the sake of variety.
> 
> Chapter Rating: G

Kouha doesn’t know what Judar sees in Hakuryuu.

It isn’t like Judar goes around touting Hakuryuu as his number one choice for king or anything, but he’s loudly preferred him for as long as Kouha can remember. Who does he get excited about seeing? Hakuryuu. Who does he follow around like a fly? Hakuryuu. Who does he relentlessly pester? Hakuryuu.

Granted, Judar does get excited about Kouen and follow him around when permitted, but compared to Hakuryuu it’s done in such a half-hearted way, like he’d rather be doing something else. Obviously Kouen is his most promising king, his most powerful king, but he is not the king Judar has his heart set on. Not that Kouha gets what all this “king” talk means or if it actually means anything. 

So then, in contrast to the brilliance that is Kouen there’s Hakuryuu. Boring Hakuryuu who secludes himself in a corner of the palace Kouha couldn’t find if he had the mind to. Hakuryuu, who has no interest in anything that isn’t himself or his sister, never mind Kouen and the kindness he extends without fail, as if there’s some chance Hakuryuu will wise up and accept it.

Hakuryuu is selfish, stuck in the past, powerless and refusing power. What about any of that makes him a good king? Who would follow him? There is not some gem hidden beneath the surface that will shine brightly when hit with light at the right angle. But if by chance that gem did exist, Judar would be more likely to crack it than polish it.

And maybe Kouha is a little envious, not of Hakuryuu, but of the attention Judar lavishes him with so freely when nothing has been done to deserve it, when Hakuryuu, in fact, repeatedly attempts to reject it. Like Judar’s favor means nothing. He’s wrong. Without it, no one in the palace would bother to remember his name.

Kouha would ask Judar about what he sees in Hakuryuu if he thought he’d get an answer that’s not nauseating or confusing. For all his simplicity, Judar doesn’t make sense when put with other people. He likes war and chaos and things like that, but the people he likes most do not. 

Judar doesn't mind Kouha’s company, although many times it is apparent he’s tolerating it more than enjoying it. Part of that can probably be attributed to the way Kouha tends to treat him as a post to lean and hang on, but Judar would forget about him and wander off otherwise. 

“Judar, who are you going to bring to a dungeon next?” He shifts, aligning their backs and angling himself so his head rests comfortably on Judar’s shoulder.

Judar shrugs either purposely or mindlessly, jogging Kouha’s head and ruining its perfect perch. “I dunno. No one’s really appealing right now. If I take one of the better generals and they die, Kouen won’t be happy.”

“Why don’t you take En? Isn’t it about time he got another metal vessel?”

Judar’s head rolls away. His braid flops against Kouha’s arm. “I guess. He’s had three for forever. And he’s formidable as is, but Phenex doesn’t seem to offer much in terms of offense. Are you gonna come?”

“If En lets me.”

“Hm. Kouha, don’t you want to capture a dungeon?”

“Nah. I’m good with—”

“Ah!” Judar abruptly straightens, forcing Kouha to extend his arm to keep himself from falling. Judar gets to his feet. “Hakuryuu! Hakuryuu, over here!”

With a groan, Kouha stands up as well. He eyes Judar’s excited waving distastefully, then glances over at Hakuryuu, who has, of course, ignored Judar entirely. He smirks despite himself, because Judar and Hakuryuu’s childish back and forth of ignoring each other is at least a little funny. 

Kouha cups his hands around his mouth. “Hey, Hakuryuu,” he says because he knows Hakuryuu is likely to respond, possibly just to spite Judar. Though Kouha isn’t sure if his personality is all that vindictive. It doesn’t really suit him.

Hakuryuu looks over, and when he sees Judar he makes a face before making like he’s going to walk away, but then he changes his mind. After all, it’s not like he’s actually fond of Kouha. Or Kouen, or Koumei. Despite continuously having some ambiguous issue with Judar, he probably does want to see him and views Kouha as a convenient excuse. 

Hakuryuu approaches them. Judar smoothly switches sides as soon as he’s able. He leans over and drops his arm across Hakuryuu’s shoulders with an audible thump, making Hakuryuu stumble. Judar looks at him, smiles at him like he isn’t the most unnecessary member of this family.

“Kouha,” Hakuryuu greets with a short incline of his head. After an obvious hesitation he also greets Judar.

“Hakuryuu, are you gonna come with us when En goes to capture another dungeon?”

Hakuryuu’s eyes flicker to Judar. “No.”

Judar grins, moves his arms to Hakuryuu’s waist and speaks at his ear. “Y’know, Hakuryuu, it’s the djinn that bestows the metal vessel. If you’re there, maybe it won’t choose Kouen.”

He looks and sounds like a seductive demon. One of his hands has even slithered to Hakuryuu’s hip and extends to his thigh, slipping further down and inwards. Meanwhile, Kouha has to restrain himself from scoffing because what djinn would pick Hakuryuu over Kouen? 

Hakuryuu fidgets and elbows Judar inconspicuously, as if there’s some chance Kouha hasn’t seen their behavior around each other ever. Honestly, if Hakuryuu wants to be convincing he needs to be a bit more forceful when it comes to brushing Judar off. He’s always pushing him away like it’s code to come closer. The only ones he’s fooling are those in denial something’s going on. Everyone else either already knows and doesn’t care, or don’t have any idea in the first place because Hakuryuu interacts with approximately five people in the palace.

He is like a subtler Gyokuen. Or, at least in this he is. Kouha is sure for every similarity he shares with his witch of a mother there are a handful of dissimilarities. He assumes, anyway—or hopes, because if that is so with Hakuryuu, it may be the same for him. Although, comparing his own mother with Gyokuen isn’t something he needs to do because they don’t have anything in common.

And Kouha, at least, is certain his mother loves him. The same cannot be said of Gyokuen, whose love pretty much starts and stops with herself. It is difficult to imagine her as a loving or dutiful mother, not that he has any reason to think she ever was.

“I’ll pass,” Hakuryuu says. He has relaxed against Judar, but as soon as he notices his comfort he jabs him. Judar rubs his stomach while Hakuryuu moves away like nothing is odd or out of place about what just happened, either the closeness or his reaction to it. Which, sure, nothing about it is unusual, but it’s this sort of thing exactly that gives them away.

“But Hakuryuu,” Judar complains, “at this rate you’ll never become powerful. Do you plan to become strong without a metal vessel? What’s admirable about that?”

“It’s not about—” He cuts himself off with a sigh. Turning his attention to Kouha, he gives one of those bland smiles he uses to trick others into believing he’s a genuine person. “Is there anything else, Kouha?”

“Nope. But I am curious what you did to piss off Judar. Or what he did to piss you off. Never know which it is with you two.”

Hakuryuu looks almost offended. Chances are he realizes Kouha’s point. Why isn’t something Kouha has ever been privy to, but it seems like one is always displeased with the other when he sees them. 

“We’re fighting?” Judar asks, looking openly confused. His brow furrows and he stares intently ahead, searching deep within his memories for what could be the cause of a fight. When he comes up with nothing he looks to Hakuryuu for an answer.

Hakuryuu takes a short breath. “We aren’t fighting.”

Judar appears doubtful. He glances at Kouha. “We aren’t. Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He gives Kouha a vaguely accusatory look.

Kouha sighs. Maybe this is why he doesn’t search out Judar more. “Anyway, if you don’t wanna go to the dungeon that’s your business. I think it’ll be fun still. All those dungeon monsters.”

Hakuryuu stares at him, not derisively, not quite blankly. It’s weird. Honestly, what even are his interests? He trains all the time, but he’s not too excited about fighting or blood or going places. He studies various things like culinary arts and forms and literature, but there’s no passion in it. What’s he even doing? 

“Well. If that’s all, I think I’m going to go.”

Hakuryuu doesn’t require a verbal dismissal to leave when he wants, but he waits for one anyway. Still looking confused, Judar trails after him when he exits his line of sight.

“Judar.”

Judar stops and spins around, seemingly on instinct, and doesn’t immediately connect being called to Kouha. Only when he sees no one else around does he smile at him. “What’s up, Kouha?” 

Kouha clicks his tongue. “Never mind. Go chase after Hakuryuu.”


	7. Koumei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: M

He stumbles across them in one of the studies so rarely used several layers of dust remain on every surface. Due to its location—close enough to where the Great Fire occurred that it needed renovation—even the servants avoid the area entirely. Koumei himself has only come here because there are several documents and scrolls from that time stored away here he’d like to go over. 

It makes sense that Hakuryuu would think this an adequate spot for a tryst. Obviously Judar would not bother with something like being discreet; Koumei knows this from various incidents over the years where he caught them behaving indecently. Every time it is obvious who the instigator is, because every time it is Judar, and Judar doesn’t care if they are in plain view or if someone could easily happen by. At first this led to a brief period of time where it was unclear whether his advances were welcome or not. Since then it has become evident this is far from one-sided, although he imagines it’s almost nonsensically dysfunctional.

The times prior to now, Koumei never felt a need to confront them, because frankly a little kissing and some mild touching hardly merits attention. It can be dismissed easily enough. This, however, is a completely different matter, this, is unquestionably sexual. If someone other than Koumei, or Kouen, found them like this, it could be quite a hassle to deal with. 

The two of them are at the corner desk, Hakuryuu seated on it with Judar’s head between his thighs. A lantern sits at the opposite end of the desk. Its dim flame has them partially illuminated.

Several articles of Hakuryuu’s clothing have been discarded to the floor and the remaining robe on him is half-open, baring a shoulder and part of his heaving chest. He’s braced against the wall and a hand hovers near his face like he’s expecting to bite it. One of his legs is kept pushed to the side by Judar’s hand while the other hand cups his chest, thumb circling absently.

Koumei can’t tell if Hakuryuu’s eyes are open or not, but they must not be since he doesn’t react to an unexpected third party in the room.

Hakuryuu is making a whole assortment of completely shameless noises: mewls, whimpering that sounds near tears, the occasional careful moan. They are ceaselessly weaved with his uneven breathing, which suggests he is either unaccustomed to the type of attention he’s receiving or Judar is very good at it.

“Prince Hakuryuu,” Koumei says and goes unheard. If he thought it’d be efficient he’d throw something at them. There’s nothing close by for that though. He’s certainly not about to raise his voice.

Hakuryuu gives a particularly sharp and lasting moan, his body hitching then arching. The hand that had been kept by his face falls and pushes back through Judar’s hair. He’s giving the type of small but sincere smile he usually saves exclusively for Hakuei.

Koumei can tell the exact second Hakuryuu fully registers his presence. The terror on his face would be evident even if his face were completely shadowed. His entire body flinches and he instinctively tries to close his thighs but Judar pushes them farther apart in response.

“J-Judar,” he says with a panicked, warbling voice. He swallows and tries for a sturdier tone but isn’t successful in the way he intends. Judar seems to like the quality, because his body wiggles, and shortly after that Hakuryuu’s breath falls shorter and shakier. His face becomes one that’s trying desperately to hold back feeling.

Hakuryuu’s hands go to pull on Judar’s braid, hesitate, then go to his shoulders to be just as hesitant. Both hands clasp his mouth while he makes another failed effort to close his legs.

It would be polite, or at least decent, for Koumei to look away. But he would like to reinforce disapproval and rigor as much as possible. And them stopping as soon as possible would be best too.

Judar finally pulls away with a wet noise after a short time of Hakuryuu poking and pulling at him. “What? Do you need something? Do you suddenly dislike my performance?” His voice is highly annoyed. 

Hakuryuu just hangs his head, shaking it as he hides his face.

“Lord Priest,” Koumei greets formally.

“Oh, it’s Koumei.” He licks his lips, and then looks back at Hakuryuu when Koumei doesn’t say anything. “Hakuryuu. Hey, it definitely could be worse. Imagine if it were Kouen. Or we could have—” Hakuryuu interrupts him with a distressed sound Koumei is immensely grateful for, although he can see well enough where that was heading.

“Prince Hakuryuu.”

Said prince raises his head but conspicuously tries to remain positioned behind Judar. When Judar goes to touch him he knocks his hand away before it can reach him, so Judar deprives him of a shield.

Hakuryuu has fixed his wrinkled robe, though there’s a still large V revealing his chest. His topknot has been reduced to barely anything. Several sections of hair have fallen into his face and others tumble down his shoulders. With Judar to the side his gaze has drifted that direction. 

Koumei takes several steps forward. “Hakuryuu.” He waits for the boy’s attention to turn back to him. “You are free to share your bed with whomever you wish. However, please keep in mind that you are a prince of the Kou Empire.”

Hakuryuu no longer looks embarrassed. That familiar blank mask he’s mastered has fallen in place, revealing absolutely nothing. 

Koumei is not fond of dealing with Hakuryuu, though thankfully the instances he has to are very rare. Like Judar, Hakuryuu’s responses aren’t exactly predictable. He effectively pretends to react one not always consistent way when his actual response—which he won’t act on or hint at—is something completely different. Consequently, Koumei isn’t always sure how to treat him. He is Hakuryuu’s nominal brother, not his surrogate parent. Koumei is not even someone Hakuryuu is required to obey or listen to, which can make dealing with him especially awkward.

“You are a prince,” Koumei repeats. “So in the interest of discretion, it is advisable to keep activities such as this to the privacy of your bedroom.”

“I understand.”

Koumei can feel Judar looking at him, and when he checks he finds the magi staring at him soberly.

Judar takes a few steps back towards Hakuryuu and dispels his look with a smile. “Aw, Koumei, there’s no need to get so serious. Nobody cares about the deviant activities Kouha is regularly up to.”

Koumei holds back a sigh. He’s not about to explain the obvious differences between Hakuryuu and Kouha. The primary issue here is that Hakuryuu is the previous emperor’s sole remaining son and Judar is their country’s high priest and oracle. And that aside, Judar can’t be counted among the people Kouha has sexual relations with.

“Kouha is different from Hakuryuu.”

This time when Judar moves to touch Hakuryuu he isn’t hit away. He’s allowed to put his arms around Hakuryuu’s shoulders and pull him from the corner he’s tried to crowd into. “That’s true enough,” Judar says. “But, y’know, we’ve been in here a lot, and this is the first time anyone’s interrupted. Who else but you would even come here?”

“That’s beside the point.”

“Hmm, I don’t think so.”

“Judar, it doesn’t matter. We—” Hakuryuu stops abruptly with a cringe, like he doesn’t want to admit he and Judar are a pair. “This won’t happen again,” he says, and there isn’t any particular emotion attached to the words.

Judar moves to block Koumei’s view entirely. Hakuryuu’s arms even come up to hold him back.

“Hakuryuu,” he soothes happily while he sways them back and forth. It is strange to think of him as being actively protective of Hakuryuu for some reason. It shouldn’t be considering how long something of this nature has been going on. And this is more possessive than protective, anyway.

Koumei turns away, keeping a single eye on them. “In any case, please remain prudent in the future.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever you want, Koumei. Are you gonna go, or did you wanna take a peek? I’m not gonna let you.”

“I did come here for a reason, and it wasn’t that.”

Koumei carries on with his business, lighting a candle and bringing it with him from shelf to shelf. There are many forgotten texts here, and he really should consider browsing them at a later time. Behind him, there is whispering followed by the soft sound of kissing. After too much time has passed Hakuryuu finally protests and he hears Judar whine.

Judar is not what Koumei would call a particularly bright individual; still, he cannot fathom a reason for this prolonged show. Koumei certainly doesn’t have interest in Hakuryuu, sexually or otherwise. He would hope that’s obvious. Either Judar wants to flaunt his disregard of Koumei’s words or he doesn’t have the restraint to keep his hands to himself for five minutes. Neither would be surprising.

When Koumei faces them again after gathering what he came for he finds them more or less as they were, with Hakuryuu seated on the desk barely dressed and Judar huddled close to him. It would be nice if Hakuryuu at least pretended to heed his words, but he should know better than to assume respect from him.

As he exits he stops at the door and says for good measure, as a gentle reminder, or perhaps even as a warning since it is Judar Hakuryuu has chosen to do this with: “Please be mindful, Prince Hakuryuu.”

He does not get a response or any sort of acknowledgement back, but that was the least Koumei could offer. Hakuryuu is his family after all.


	8. Hakuei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: G

“Hakuei, you’re having lunch with Hakuryuu today, right?”

“I am. In fact, that’s where I’m heading right now.”

Judar smiles brightly. “Great! Can I come?” Hakuei stops walking, caught off guard by the question, and, still smiling, Judar stops alongside her. “Is that a problem?”

Though Judar does not seem the least bit disheartened, Hakuei is quick to clarify. “Of course not. We would be honored by your presence, Lord Priest. But, if you don’t mind my asking, why do you want to join us?”

Carefree but with a bit of a pout, Judar says, “Hakuryuu won’t cook for me. I keep asking but all he does is ignore me. And he is good at cooking, right? Lately I’ve been thinking maybe he isn’t and that’s why he won’t.”

Hakuei laughs. They resume walking. “He’s a very talented cook. Maybe he’s embarrassed, or thinks there’s a chance you won’t like whatever he makes,” she suggests.

“Nah, he’s just being mean.”

She finds it difficult to imagine her brother being mean spirited that way but refrains from saying so. Possibly he views his cooking as something private. Hakuryuu is always cooking these elaborate, large dishes they can’t hope to finish and never do. They are always setting four places at the table without comment, never expecting anyone, never inviting anyone. It is always the two of them alone with a half-eaten meal.

Hakuei isn’t sure how to express any of that to Judar, however, or if she should. Spending time with Judar does not mean Hakuryuu opens his heart to him. Sometimes they do seem undeniably close, and Hakuei can remember them being small, hanging all over each other, laughing. But now Hakuryuu will push Judar away like being touched is the worst thing that can be inflicted upon him, and she can’t help but worry.

In the end Hakuei settles on saying, “I’m sure he has his reasons. But he can’t possibly deny you if it’s as my guest.”

“Exactly.” 

The room they use is a kitchen and dining area in one. Before the fire it was a storage room of some sort. Since then, Hakuryuu has reclaimed it and much of the surrounding area, with Kouen’s silent support. Even his bedroom has been relocated disconcertingly close to where their brothers were killed. Everything he could need is within reach—except her and the rest of their family.

Like with many things involving her younger brother, Hakuei does not know how to voice her concerns about his behavior to him.

As usual, Hakuryuu is still preparing when they arrive. On the counter beside him is an array of various foods, from small appetizers to larger plates with meat. While he puts on the finishing touches to whatever he’s currently working on, Hakuei sets five places at the table and moves the completed dishes to its center.

Judar silently pads up behind Hakuryuu. “I found you,” he says as he brings his face to Hakuryuu’s neck and hugs him.

Hakuryuu just sighs and carries on like Judar hasn’t draped himself on his person. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to eat your delicious cooking, Hakuryuu. Your sister invited me.”

“I see.” Hakuryuu sounds like he doesn’t believe him.

“I thought it’d be good for us to have some company for once. You don’t mind, do you?” Hakuei says.

Hakuryuu hesitates for barely a second. “Of course not.”

Hakuryuu lets Judar remain even as he reaches from one end of the counter to the other to grab bowls and knives. The difference in height between them has grown; Judar’s hunch to hold Hakuryuu the way he wants looks awkward but he doesn’t pull away.

“What are you doing, Hakuryuu?”

He doesn't answer immediately. “This is seasoning. These are garnishes.”

“What’s a garnish?”

“Decorations.”

“Huh? But it looks like food. Can I eat it? Will you feed it to me?”

“…If you want.”

Judar nuzzles his neck and lets out a pleased laugh. “Will you feed me peaches and whatever else I want?”

Hakuryuu doesn’t answer for some time. And he must give some response she can’t hear, because Judar laughs again, sounding more delighted than previously.

Hakuei appreciates Judar’s affection for her brother. They are both strangely set apart here, and for both of them it is partly self-imposed, or at least self-maintained. They both have status, but for Judar it means nothing to him and for Hakuryuu it means nothing for him. They keep trying to find a place here, and if that is something they must cultivate in each other, then Hakuei supports that.

Hakuryuu pulls away from Judar, though arms remain around his waist and Judar stumbles after him whichever direction he goes. Hakuryuu does not seem especially bothered by this. The only indication he might be is when he goes to pick up the largest platter and puts it back almost immediately. And even then he does not pry Judar off.

“Sister, I’m sorry, but could you get this one? I’ll bring the rest.”

“No need to apologize. You did cook this entire meal, after all. It’s the least I can do. Sometimes I think I should help out even, you make so much.”

“Ah… There’s no need to trouble yourself that way.”

Judar looks at her curiously, and then back to Hakuryuu. “I can help too, Hakuryuu.”

“Please don’t.”

Judar glances continuously at Hakuryuu as he loads various foods onto his plate and takes the seat beside him. It’s not a smug look, or even satisfied, just happy at the situation he’s managed to place himself in. When he’s done taking what he wants he swoops his head in close. There’s open space, and then he kisses Hakuryuu’s cheek before moving his attention to his plate.

Hakuryuu noticeably attempts to hold his gaze down, but keeps looking up for her reaction anyway.

Hakuei doesn’t give one. She can’t tell if Hakuryuu is grateful for that or not. She has never felt a need to comment on the state of their involvement with each other. Although faintly aware of how deep the relationship goes it seems innocent enough. They both deserve happiness and support. If they find that in each other, then great, she’s glad. Maybe she should at least make that clear, but she’d prefer to not cause her brother unnecessary discomfort.

They eat in relative silence, which is normal but feels conspicuous with Judar’s attention demanding presence.

“Your food is good, Hakuryuu. I like this one best.” Between his fingers he has something that looks like cake with pieces of fruit poking through too much whipped cream. Of course his favorite would be a dessert.

Hakuryuu blinks and looks uncomfortable as Judar holds the piece of cake in front of him. “Okay.”

“Hakuryuu.”

He fidgets, face pink, and doesn’t let his gaze drift towards her once, as if that alone is what will catch her disapproval. Nearly a minute of this passes. Foamy cream trails down Judar’s hand and onto the bangles around his wrist.

Finally Hakuryuu complies, closing his eyes and opening his mouth. He chews the cake slowly, and covers his face as he does so. 

“Lord Priest, would you like to share a meal with us again sometime soon?” Hakuei asks.

Hakuryuu jumps, swallows and almost chokes. “Sister, I don’t think—”

“I would.” Judar interrupts. “What is it, Hakuryuu?” He licks cream off his hand as he awaits an argument.

Hakuryuu looks away. “Nothing. If it’s only sometimes it’s fine.”

“If you don’t want me to I won’t. I don’t wanna steal time away from your sister.”

“You aren’t,” Hakuei assures him. “I think it would be good for the three of us to spend time together. You two are so close, and I am Hakuryuu’s big sister, still. We don’t always have to be separate.”

Hakuryuu stays silent, but eventually says, “Right,” without much conviction. 

She wants to reach out and touch him, remind him he is not alone and does not need to be, but Judar is already there.


	9. Judar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: T

“You should come to Balbadd with me. Did you hear me, Hakuryuu? Come with me to Balbadd.”

Hakuryuu turns so he can look Judar in the eye. He blinks, frowning at the unfaltering smile he receives, and groans before dropping his forehead to Judar’s shoulder. “Do you even hear the things you say?”

He curls around Hakuryuu. “What’s wrong with what I said? They’ll let you come if I say so.”

“Which ‘they’?”

“All of them. Those old men, that pig of an emperor; Kouen, too.”

“You don’t have as much authority as you think you do.”

“Of course I do. I’m a magi.”

Hakuryuu sighs. “You are so… Whatever.” Then he bites his neck.

Teeth dig deep then deeper into his skin. Blood pulses fiercely underneath, aching to flow out endlessly. Trickling down his chest and seeping into Hakuryuu’s clothes, it’d be wonderful. There’s a pinch sharp enough to make him gasp and clutch Hakuryuu tighter, but he can tell the skin hasn’t broken. He wraps Hakuryuu up in his arms and legs and breathes in the faint traces of shampoo.

Mouth still latched to Judar’s skin, Hakuryuu breathes out, sucks, and finally pulls away, panting lightly.

Judar can feel the deep indent of teeth in his skin accompanied by a pleasant stinging. If his fingers weren’t occupied elsewhere he’d run them over his neck and claw into where it’s most tender. He hopes the mark is ugly on his skin, mottled yellow and purple, spreading like an infection. He wants it to remain permanently, but when those old men see it they'll take it away.

“Come to Balbadd with me,” Judar says again, because it was a serious suggestion. He never knows how long he’ll have to be away and he does have fun when he’s away but Hakuryuu is never there. Destruction is fun, and destruction kills time, but this and that are incomparable. And this is only good if it’s Hakuryuu.

Hakuryuu pulls himself free so he can sit across from Judar. No distractions, though their knees are almost touching. Judar wants to take his hand.

Hakuryuu says, “Why? What would I even do in Balbadd? No one’s going to let me go just so you don’t get lonely.”

“You can use it as a firsthand example of how not to run a country. It will be very educational.”

“Have you forgotten that I’m the fourth prince?”

Judar smiles. “You aren’t supposed to be.”

Hakuryuu just looks at him. “Anyway, do what you want. I’m sure you will, no matter what I say.”

But Judar can’t come up with a convincing argument alone. He can’t simply demand Hakuryuu and have him—though he’s not actually clear on why that is. If he asks for Hakuryuu, especially to take him somewhere else, he needs a reason that extends beyond just because. He’s asked before, and nothing he said was ever good enough, no amount of pleading would sway them.

Those old men, the emperor, Gyokuen, Kouen and Koumei, none of them get it, so they won’t give him Hakuryuu. And of course they don’t get it; they aren’t magi. They don’t know at all. When he’s with Hakuryuu the rukh _sing_. If he tried to explain—which he in fact has a couple of times—they still wouldn’t get it. And maybe honestly he doesn’t totally get it either, but it’s tangible to him. It feels important and he wants it to matter so it does.

Rukh are noisy and bothersome. They chitter and buzz and get excited over nothing. And sure it varies from place to place and person to person, but around Hakuryuu, and only Hakuryuu, discord finds noticeable peace. Hakuryuu’s rukh dance with his, and together they blend into harmonic white noise that obscures the boring world they’re submerged in.

“But, Hakuryuu, you have to help. If you show interest in going away, maybe the emperor will send you with me because it’s convenient.”

Hakuryuu is a prince no one cares about. He can do whatever he wants, not that he takes advantage of it. If he asked to be sent away, if he did no more than hint at it, Koutoku would eagerly ship him off as far as he could be taken, Judar is certain. But he won’t do it if Judar is the one to ask for some reason, as if he cares about taking Hakuryuu’s opinion into consideration or something.

Hakuryuu climbs into his lap and sits so he can rest his head on Judar’s collarbone. “I don’t want to talk to Koutoku. I can’t even remember the last time I did.”

Judar hugs him, rubs at Hakuryuu’s side where the fewest layers are. “I’m gonna travel alone. You can just come with me. We don’t have to tell anyone. Maybe no one will notice you’re gone.”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Hakuryuu says with a laugh. “A really…really bad idea.”

“But I want you to come with me, Hakuryuu.”

Hakuryuu sighs. His hands come up and lock behind Judar’s neck. “I know.” Fingers knead Judar’s neck before stretching into his hair, urging his gaze further down. Their eyes meet. “You’re pretty, Judar.”

Judar grins. At the edges of his vision he can see rukh shimmering pink. Their excited vibrating thrums all through his blood and pools heavily, making him dizzy sick. He leans over and kisses Hakuryuu’s cheek over and over, lingering with each kiss until he’s cuddling him instead.

Hakuryuu shifts and stretches out so their lips can touch with ease. His fingers toy with the strands of hair hanging at the base of Judar’s neck and he pushes into him as much as he’s able in his current position. And then he twists around to straddle Judar’s lap, brings their bodies flush and kisses him softly on the mouth.

“Your presence is demanded elsewhere,” Hakuryuu says.

“Huh?”

Hakuryuu puts his forehead to Judar’s. “Listen. You’re being called.”

Judar closes his eyes. The rukh die down, leaving him in silent clarity. His brow furrows, not hearing anything at first, but then there it is. The unmistakable call of “magi” that automatically causes him to scowl.

“You should go.”

Judar pulls away to pout at him with more efficiency. “But, Hakuryuu, all they’re gonna do is nag. ‘Don’t neglect your duties so freely, magi,’ ‘you’re needed in Balbadd, magi,’ like, shut up already, I know.”

“What do you even need to do in Balbadd?”

“Um… I’m not sure.”

Hakuryuu looks at him curiously. “You’d leave for Balbadd right now if I said I’d go with you, wouldn’t you.”

His irritation forgotten, Judar brightens and says, “Yeah! Let’s go to Balbadd, Hakuryuu.”

And then, maybe on their way back, they can go to a dungeon. Judar will just leave that part out for now, though. And then they can have sex in Balbadd and eat whatever interesting food is offered there and they’ll be bothered significantly less than they are here.

“I’m not going to Balbadd.” And before Judar can say anything, Hakuryuu smiles and rests on his shoulder, saying, “But I’ll be here when you get back. So… let’s just wait here for now.”

And this is fine, too, because Hakuryuu’s ambition grows by the day. Remaining locked up in this palace all his life won’t satisfy him. When the day comes that he wants to leave, Judar will be there to bring him wherever he wants.


	10. Hakuei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be Hakuei's first and only chapter, but as I was writing it I felt it didn't quite fit with what I had so far, with the darker tone and time skip, but I did like it. And it does fit overall in this series, so here it is. Think of it as an epilogue of sorts...
> 
> That said... thank you for reading! And thank you for sticking with me. I am appreciative of your presence.
> 
> Chapter Rating: G

Hakuei wishes she were more certain than she is that something happened to Hakuryuu while he was away. Seeing him now, her entire perspective of him has shifted. She cannot look at him the same, and she cannot tell if this helpless rage inside him has been there all along or not. Is it possible he was able to hide something like that for so many years, and from her?

Since she rejected him things have changed once more. Hakuryuu has reverted to the boy she once knew, the Hakuryuu from before he left to study abroad. Every trace of unfamiliarity she saw during the past several months cannot be found. Somehow that’s scarier, because it's there somewhere; hidden in the dark depths of him where she can’t reach, where see cannot see so much as a glimpse of it.

As he always has, he gives her a variety of gentle smiles she can’t believe have ever been faked. When she attempts to bring up what he told her, or the events of that day in general, he will continue to smile as he dismisses her concern with platitudes. And then she won’t be able to find him for several days, not in his room, not in any of the studies he frequents, not in the courtyard, not in the kitchen. And once he does show himself, he will not acknowledge that he was avoiding her.

She taught him to be self-sufficient, reinforced it to the point he cried because it is so important for a virtually parentless child to have independence. But this is not what she meant to happen. She did not want him to see no one but her as support, or for him to feel the need to take such a tremendous burden on his shoulders, and worse, to do so alone. She never wanted him to view the Kou Empire as something they had to wrestle back from their own family.

So now she has to ask, is this her fault? How complicit is she? And regardless of those answers she needs to know what should be done now.

How can she make this better when Hakuryuu won’t talk to her, won’t listen to her? There is no one in this entire palace he’s willing to speak with, although Judar has reportedly been seen entering and exiting his room. Hakuei thinks she might be able to make use of that information, though she’s not sure how yet. Maybe if Judar could talk some sense into him… but that, too, is a betrayal she does not wish to risk. 

One person. As long as he has one person dependably at his side maybe it will be okay. Her brother is so very fragile, and she doesn’t think he can see his own vulnerability. He cannot take on the world. Win or lose, it will damage him irreparably, it will break him. That is something she wants to avoid more than anything.

In front of Hakuryuu’s door she has to gather her strength, taking deep breaths and squaring her shoulders. There is fear that he will be gone, and she will dismiss it, only for it to turn out that he has vanished from this palace and this city altogether. Run off to only he knows where, never to return.

She takes a long breath and tells herself it’s the last. Then she hesitates, her knuckles stopping short and curling into a tight fist. Her first series of knocks is certainly too soft to be heard. The second is a little louder, but the lack of response is understandable. She waits thirty seconds after the third set, just in case, before she slides the door open and steps in. She is already resigned to his absence.

To her surprise she finds Hakuryuu asleep in his bed, though not alone. Judar is with him. Hakuryuu is half on top of him, facedown with Judar’s fingers in his hair. There is a single sheet covering them, but it leaves most of Hakuryuu’s bare back exposed. Judar is propped up by a number of pillows and bunched up blankets, so he sees her easily when she enters, and smiles without embarrassment.

This is the first time she has actually found Hakuryuu in his room. Perhaps he has been seeking refuge with Judar this entire time. She doesn’t know why she didn’t think of it earlier. 

“If it isn’t Ren Hakuei. What brings you here?”

Something about his tone puts her immediately on the defensive. “I wanted to see Hakuryuu. But it looks like he’s still asleep.”

Judar’s hand smooths through Hakuryuu’s hair and transitions to his back, continuing down his spine. “He’s been sleeping worse than usual lately. You know anything about it?” he asks with an accusing lilt to his voice that says he already knows the answer.

“The reason doesn’t matter,” she says, perhaps too snappish. “Lord Priest—” She sighs. “Judar, is Hakuryuu okay?”

The hand on Hakuryuu’s back stutters for a brief moment then resumes. It makes it to the small of his back and then returns to his head. Judar cocks his head in a false show of confusion. “Shouldn’t you be asking him that?”

“I plan to, but right now I’m asking you.”

“Hakuryuu will be fine. He as me, after all.” Meaning, what, he doesn’t have her? 

She looks at Hakuryuu still asleep in Judar’s arms, and frowns. When she takes a few steps closer, when she’s so close she could touch him if only she leaned over, Judar closes his arms around Hakuryuu rolls so his back is to Hakuei, hiding her brother from sight.

Hakuryuu groans at this, and his hand pushes at Judar’s hip but it doesn’t give.

“Hakuryuu, your sister is here.”

Hakuryuu’s arm falls lax on Judar’s side, and there’s a grumble of some sort before he lifts his head up enough to blink blearily at her. “Sister,” he greets, and then his head returns to where it had been resting. Out of sight once more.

“Hakuryuu, it’s your sister,” Judar says.

And Hakuei isn’t sure what he means to accomplish by repeating himself, but all it earns him is Hakuryuu telling him to shut up.

Then Judar says, “Are you going back to sleep?” Nothing. “I guess Hakuryuu doesn’t want to talk to you, Hakuei.”

“Hakuryuu.” She takes several steps closer. Because he does not ignore her, no matter his feelings. Evade her in various ways, divert her attention elsewhere, answer her vaguely and irresolutely, these are what he does. He does not refuse to respond when she is right there reaching out to him.

“Hakuryuu,” she says again, and because she can’t decide on a tone beforehand it ends up sounding desperate by default, “won’t you talk to me?”

Judar shifts so she can unambiguously see Hakuryuu’s rejection. The way he lies limp on Judar and doesn’t even look at her when he’s wide-awake.

Her chest begins to throb. She has to take several large breaths to be sure her voice won’t crack when she speaks. “Hakuryuu, please.”

The one thing she absolutely mustn’t do is give up on him. That’s what she believed. If she reached out far enough for long enough, eventually he would reach back. But her hand doesn’t matter when he’s already taken Judar’s, and Judar is pulling him away from her.

With the way Judar is smiling at her she can tell it’s intentional. They aren't on the same side like she believed. Suddenly, with just that, everything he has ever done and said has been thrown into question. Yet when she reaches into her memory to pull out an example, proof, she comes up with nothing. Neither can she place a motive or goal, and it makes her anxious. 

“Hakuryuu,” she tries again, and she can tell the moment her voice comes out that it is too authoritative— _motherly_ , because now Hakuryuu reacts, and Judar smirks at her like she’s walked into a net.

His head maneuvers to look at her. Fringe shadows his eyes but there is no doubt he’s glaring at her. He pushes himself up, pulling some of the sheet with him to ensure his hips, and Judar’s, stay covered.

“What?” he says, sounding too tired for any emotion to work its way into his tone. And he’s not looking at her but not looking away; his expression is so hollow it must be pained.

This situation is dire in a way she hadn’t anticipated. There aren’t any words on the tip of her tongue waiting to be said. Even if exactly the right phrases and understanding were there, she’s not confident Hakuryuu would listen. If he were to hold on to only the ends, Judar would ease his grip open.

Hakuryuu stares off into nothing. A deep breath and she can see his ribs. He looks in her general direction and gives a small but effortless smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “There’s nothing to talk about. It…” He makes eye contact, smile waning, cracking with a weak laugh. “None of it really matters anymore.”

Her heart is pounding so fiercely she can barely hear herself when she asks, “What does that even mean?” 

Hakuryuu shakes his head. “Nothing. Just… nothing. Hey,” he says with a smile that makes him look gentle, “can we talk later? This isn’t really a good time.” His head inclines towards Judar, who is looking at him with so much admiration and pride she can feel her stomach churn from it.

She swallows past the stones in her throat. And knowing there is nothing else she can do, she says, “Okay.”


End file.
